| An Ode
to Nice Guys
This
is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never
become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what
assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those
guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to
tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the
back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is
in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how
cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate
moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in
honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest
concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from
her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This
is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties
and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany
girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for
the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway,
for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor
cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow
don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked,
underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated,
misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This
is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you
called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences
her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her
boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she
shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best
killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that
romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in
the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing
against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor
to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date,
so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you,
she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she
flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by
announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were
invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because
you’re nice like that.
The
nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more
disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I
wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have
observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other
schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls
are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to
date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational,
confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good
boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I
couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would
ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in
the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize
and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are
beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down
between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m
going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say
that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are
definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they
should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is
finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So,
until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know
who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as
ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your
patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party
escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all
the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you
are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my
gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well
deserved vindication is coming.
Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003 |
